Movie review of Beastly (0 out of 5 stars) - If the Razzies are smart, they will automatically put “Beastly” in contention for Worst Movie of the Year.
There may not be a more perfect movie title this year than Beastly. It actually has a double meaning to it. It describes the “Beauty and the Beast” theme to the film and it aptly describes how wrong this movie went in so many ways. If the Razzies are smart, they will automatically put Beastly in contention for Worst Movie of the Year.
We have all seen “Beauty and the Beast” put out in various forms. It has been done to death. If you are going to do it, it has to have a fresh take to the story. Beastly does to try to do this by putting it into a high school setting. It is based on a novel by Alex Flinn and rewritten for the screen by director Daniel Barnz (Phoebe in Wonderland). Flinn’s novel got high remarks, but something happened along the way in the translation to the big screen.
The Beast in this retelling is Kyle (a listless Alex Pettyfer), a popular good looking guy at a private high school running for student council president. Kyle has the philosophy that good looking people should run everything and being ugly is bad. I do wonder if only Kyle is the arbiter of good looks or if there is a council on this sort of things. These are the thoughts that will run through your mind while trying to get through this film. Kyle’s behavior is learned from his egotistical newscaster father (Peter Krause). Kyle and his father don’t have much of a relationship. Kyle actually texts his father when he is only a few feet away just to get his attention.
One person at school that doesn’t fall under Kyle’s spell is Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen). Kendra is a witch (you know this by the pointy thing that she has on the side of her face) and she doesn’t care for Kyle’s attitude. This is where the movie gets it completely wrong from the novel. Kendra appears ugly and fat in the novel. She is later transformed into a beautiful witch. For the movie, Kendra is just merely eccentric and goth looking. She is far from any description of being ugly. This change alone defeats any purpose on the lessons that Kendra wants to teach Kyle.
Kyle wants to get back at Kendra for embarrassing him at school. Kyle invites her to a party and gets her thrown out. Before going, Kendra puts a spell on Kyle. Kyle has to get a girl to tell him within a year that she loves him or his ugly appearance will remain the same. Kyle is transformed into a bit of a circus freak. His golden locks are changed to a bald head and vines tattooed all across his body.
Kyle’s father is taken back by his son’s appearance and ships him off to a fancy place away from prying eyes. Kyle is joined there by the family’s African-American housekeeper (Lisa Gay Hamilton sporting a ghastly Jamaican accent), who Kyle insulted earlier by saying that she had too many kids to support. Kyle’s father basically leaves him there to rot and doesn’t visit. Meanwhile Kyle is pining over Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens), the one girl at school who didn’t judge him and appreciated his honesty. It is so disheartening to see Hudgens in this abysmal work after appearing in the very entertaining “Bandslam”. I guess she may have thought that the movie would hew closer to the novel. The screenplay is so out of touch that the main characters look to be on a Myspace type social network instead of the more realistic Facebook. Kyle depressingly deletes his account after his makeover. You know that Lindy is “cool” because she is fan of Che Guevara. You can start your eye rolling now.
Since Kyle is not going to school, he has a lot of time on his hand. What better way to pass it then to stalk Lindy?! He watches from the shadows as she goes about her life. He swoops in one night to save her from these guys that are threatening her father. This is one of the more underdeveloped storylines from the film. Who are these bad guys? Bookies? Mobsters? You just don’t know and you don’t care. Kyle arranges that Lindy lives with him so that she is safe. Ok then.
Before these shenanigans, Kyle is joined by a blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris trying his best). The problem is that you never see the tutor teaching him anything. It is almost like he is being paid to just babysit Kyle. This is just another baffling screenplay choice from Barnz.
At first Kyle tries to impress Lindy with expensive gifts. Hello Kyle?! She likes Che Guevara! No material things will do for her. Anyone with half a brain will figure out how all this turns out. There are no surprises to be had. When the movie bogs down, Barnz just inserts another musical montage from an overstuffed soundtrack. It is all very lazy filmmaking when the songs are supposed to convey what the characters are feeling.
Beastly is a complete train wreck. The dialogue, acting and directing are all bad. You can call it beastly.
More on MovieJungle.com on Beastly:
Genre/s: Romance Drama
Release Date/s: 3/4/2011 (Showtimes & Tickets)
Distributor: CBS Films
Production Company: Storefront Films
Official Site: Visit the Official Site
CAST and CREW FOR Beastly
Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens, Peter Krause, Mary-Kate Olsen
Directed By: Daniel Barnz
Written By: Daniel Barnz based on Alex Flinn's fantasy novel.
Produced By: Susan Cartsonis